Are you setting yourself up for resentment this holiday season?
Ouch, check out this quote…
I was reminded of this quote last week, now I can't stop thinking about it.
It's so true, isn't it?
I often have expectations for how things are going to go, whether it is the business meeting to unlock a new opportunity or the memorable family event I planned, but I don't always share those expectations with others -- and that's where the resentments kick in.
In our professional lives, it's important to align around expectations so everyone on the team is clear about our work and our roles. You've likely been a part of a team where this misalignment of expectations caused a lot of resentment. It often shows up as one person picking up extra work or putting in extra hours to get the project done, another person feeling like their toes were stepped on because someone did work in their area, or passive-aggressive behaviors because we didn't address the problem and just moved on. Lots of opportunities for resentment.
The same is true at home.
Maybe you have an expectation that your family is going to help you clean the house before friends come over. Maybe you have an expectation that the grocery store is going to be adequately staffed in the days before Thanksgiving. Maybe you have an expectation that the night you have planned to go look at Christmas lights is going to be full of peppermint hot chocolate and giant snowflakes.
(I didn't say the expectations were realistic, not all expectations are.)
I've been guilty of saying through gritted teeth, "We are having Family Fun night. This is FUN. Now sit down, be quiet, and enjoy it." Clearly, my expectations weren't being met...and neither were theirs.
(Please tell me I'm not the only one!)
Sigh. Of all the things I cannot control, this is one I can.
I can:
Communicate my expectations to those I'm in relationship with and check for alignment
Or, let go of the expectations altogether, and choose to work with what is present.
As we head into this holiday season, these are the questions I'm thinking about that I thought you might find helpful too:
How do I want to feel during this holiday/event/gathering?
Have I actually asked this person to take that action (pick up the living room, schedule the meeting) or am I assuming they will?
Where else am I assuming instead of asking? (Maybe we really don't have to have three kinds of cranberry sauce, just because we always have.)
What can I take away or stop doing to make it easier?
What is present right now?
If this helps me reduce even one opportunity for resentment this season, it will be worth it! I hope the same is true for you too!