Something scary happened to me recently
I'm sitting at my favorite Mexican restaurant with my family.
I glance down at a text that popped up.
I look back up...and the world goes black.
Then it starts to spin.
The next thing I know, I'm in the ER.
I'm fine now, I promise.
Let me clarify, I'm physically fine (or will be soon enough), but my soul, my spirit, and my mindset are still shaken. What happened to me was a vicious case of vertigo that had been building for some time (more on that later) -- and it laid me out flat for several days. No screens. No lights. No noise.
As you can imagine, this whole experience is teaching me a lesson. A lot of lessons, in fact. The first one is to SLOW DOWN. It is fair to say that I am #notafan of this lesson.
One of the benefits (or challenges?) of having a lot of coaches as friends is that they can call me on my bullshit. For example, when I was complaining about slowing down, I said, "But what will I DO while resting?" My friend Priya asked me to repeat the question again...and then I smacked my hand to my forehead when I heard myself. And, just today, my friend Katrina declared that I had the "Olympic medal in Doing. You are the doing-est do-er ever." and told me to put the medal away.
Now, here's the deal my friend, I thought I already WAS slowing down!
I mean, I had all the "slowing down" things on my list:
Morning journaling practice = CHECK
Evening gratitude practice + mediation = CHECK
Setting intentions all over the place, for everything = CHECK
When I started asking my family about it, they gave me several examples of where I'm definitely NOT slowing down:
I tip the water bottle upside down in the sink to drain -- and then walk away to do 3 other things while it takes the 10 seconds it needs to drain
I unload the dishwasher, while packing lunches, and cleaning up from dinner -- all at the same time
I'm ordering groceries in the car on the way to the lacrosse game, while carrying on a conversation about who is playing what position and where we are going to eat afterward.
Maybe you do this too? (If you're not sure, just ask anyone who is around you regularly, and they will absolutely tell you. #notreallyhelpful)
So, I realized that somewhere along the way, I had turned the things designed to create space and beauty in my days into one more thing to "DO". And, that is absolutely not the point.
I'm also realizing that while I know that my worth is not tied to my ability to work, I've let those lines blur a bit too much. I've got work to do here, again.
Friend, the irony is not lost on me that I talk about being Unshakeable
...and I'm dealing with a condition that is all about things shaking.
Funny, Universe. Reallllll funny.
I want to be honest with you (no sugar-coated lollipops here)... This sucks. I'm pissed that I have to slow down. I'm frustrated that I'm not at full capacity. I'm embarrassed that this had to happen to make me see what needs to be done now.
And, I know that I am learning (and re-learning) lessons that will shape my future for the better. I'm working through it (because, I'm human, and this stuff happens) and I'll share what I'm learning if you'll stay alongside me on this journey!
Until then, join me in taking a breath while the water bottle drains for 10 seconds?!?